


Let Me Be Alone

by blissfall



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Hes Fine, hes great guys dont worry, just a happy boy cleaning up a few spills, post prickly pair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:01:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27652435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blissfall/pseuds/blissfall
Summary: Steven cleans upCactusSteven’shis mess from earlier in the day.
Relationships: Pearl & Steven Universe, Steven Universe & Cactus Steven, Steven Universe & Steven Universe
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Let Me Be Alone

**Author's Note:**

> warning: blood and mild swearing (let the boy say f)

The house was quiet, as always. Well, aside from the waves crashing against the shoreline. The faint twinkling of the stars that caught the corner of his eye. The wood creaked as Steven turned his head back towards the Warp Pad. The gems were in the temple. Despite it being pretty late in the day, when Steven would normally be in his room deciding whether or not to deal with his nightmares or continue his insomnia streak, he’s been cross-legged by the Warp Pad all night, slowly cleaning up his mess. CactusSteven did a lot of damage to the house, and the gems offered to help him clean up, but he declined. Bismuth is coming over in a few days to finish the hole in the dome and the messed up floor boards and dents everywhere. And the table. And the giant hole in the front wall next to the stairs that Steven lazily threw a tarp over. He wanted to do it himself, but she insisted she’d take care of it when her schedule was free. There was no point in arguing with Bismuth, she’d do it anyway whether he likes it or not. 

This was his fault, he should be the one to take care of it! He doesn’t feel like talking to anyone right now. It’s late and he’s tired. Although, he’d be lying if he said he was gonna sleep tonight anyway. 

Steven plucks another spine out of the wood, dropping it into the large black trash bag next to him. He squints his eyelids, they’re stiff and puffy from tears. He hadn’t planned on crying tonight, but things got too overwhelming. CactusSteven was the first person (cactus?) Steven felt like he could talk to without worrying anyone, but he didn’t realize it was taking a toll on CactusSteven. CactusSteven listened to him! Sure, he didn’t say much, but it was nice to have someone there at least. Someone who wouldn’t push him into a corner like a caged animal and scream at him to “talk out his feelings” and whatnot. Steven would be lying if he said he wasn’t mad the gems heard all of that, all he can do is hope they’ll just go back to normal like they always do: pretend he’s normal.

He’s not normal.

And maybe a small part of him kinda wishes they wouldn’t go back to normal.

Steven plucks another spine out of the floor. 

The waves crashing violently against the beach make Steven jump as he lets out a hushed yelp, and returns back to his work. 

He knits his eyebrows together, frowning at the thoughts taking over the forefront of his mind before quickly delving into something else. If he’s gonna be forced to talk to his mind all night, he might as well not start sobbing in the process. 

Yeah, there’s other people he _could_ talk to— Jasper…she’d just wanna fight him, Amethyst might brush him off, maybe Pearl… probably not Garnet… Connie’s a big no. He doesn’t want to fight, he doesn’t want to joke around or get ignored, he doesn’t want someone to start looking for someone to blame before he’s even finished a sentence. He doesn’t just want solutions, he doesn’t want to burden anyone or stress them out with his problems. 

Steven plucks another spine out of the wood, missing the trash bag. 

But fuck, it felt so good to finally be able to get some weight off his damn back! He feels like he can’t even get out of bed these days because there’s bottles and boxes and crates harbouring, containing, the _thousands_ of intrusive and dangerous and unSteven-like thoughts he’d had— he’s **been** having for stars sake! On his back, weighing him down. Stopping him from doing what he wants to do. He can’t see Connie because his legs are too heavy, so he insists she comes over to his house each time. Amethyst wanted to go to Funland with him, but the thought of running around the gem-filled amusement park and barfing up cotton candy for two hours made his stomach churn and he could already feel his legs aching. To have some of that weight relieved, even if just one tiny pinch, it was the most Steven could ever ask for. He feels like he’s drowning in his own mind, but it’s his fault he’s there in the first place. 

It’s always his fault. 

CactusSteven was _his_ creation, and he ruined him. Steven barely spent more than two days with him, and he already messed up. CactusSteven destroyed the house because of Steven, because he’s a bad person! And of course he is, all he does is mess everything up! 

Steven digs his palm into a handful of cactus spines, reveling in the stinging sensation shooting up his forearm and carelessly launching them at the trash bag, all effectively missing it completely. 

Of course, he can’t even do that right either. Steven cares, but not enough to put them back in the bag. 

They continue to sit on the floor. 

He presses his fingers together, intertwining them and pulling them apart. He traces his fingernails, exploring the creases in the bends of his chubby hands. Once smooth, now scarred with cracks and cuts and stories of just how many times he’d fucked up in the past and almost gotten himself killed, or worse, someone else killed. 

His eyes draw upwards to the floor. There’s no more cactus spines, he probably should’ve noticed. 

Steven pulls himself up and takes the black trash bag, lazily dragging his feet into the bathroom and locking the door shut. He flicks the light switch on and sets the bag down beside the toilet. 

This was the only room in the house that wasn’t ruined because of him. 

Steven sets himself down on top of the toilet lid, crossing his ankles. He groans in response to the aching from the movement, bringing his hands to his face and dragging them through his hair before the pain from more injuries sets in. 

_Right_ , he thought, _Still gotta take mine out_. Steven pulls his hands out of his curls, rubbing his eyes. They’re threatening to close, but he can’t fall asleep on the toilet. He probably wouldn’t be able to sleep for long anyway, he’s been having too many nightmares recently— White Diamond, everyone leaving him, Bluebird; the usual ones. They don’t bother him that much anymore, he’s used to them enough by now that they just play back over and over. Surely, that would make sleeping easier for Steven? He’d go to sleep tired and wake up tired again, there was no point. Some nights he tried to force himself to sleep, just so he wouldn’t have to deal with his overbearing thoughts taking over all night. He honestly wonders if he even needs sleep now, with his new pink glowy diamond powers, he may as well be a full diamond at this point. And they don’t eat, do they? 

“Steven?” A voice hummed through the door. His head snapped upwards, a rush of vertigo following. , Steven didn’t realize Pearl wasn’t in the temple! “Are you alright… do you need help?” There’s concern laced in her voice. She’s worried, but she shouldn’t be! Steven has this, he can do it himself. He’s only got a little more work to do, she’ll understand.

He clears his throat, running his fingers through his hair again. He brings his hand down to his forehead and taps the bridge of his nose, thinking. His breath strains as he calls out a reply, “Ehem, uh… yeah, no-... M’good, Pearl! S’no worries.” 

“Are you sure?” She pauses, hesitantly, “CactusSteven left quite a mess. I’m sure you could use the help.” He already assured them he was fine by himself! They don’t need to check on him, he isn’t a little kid anymore. He thought they understood that. Steven felt heat rising to his cheeks, he shook his head attempting to will the threatening pink glow away. 

“ _ **Yes**_ , I’m sure.” He didn’t mean to let his anger slip into his voice. Darn it. 

There was a pregnant pause before the pitter-patter of Pearl’s footsteps continued towards the Warp Pad. 

“Alright, whatever you say, Steven.” He hears the sound of the temple door opening and closing, and it’s quiet again. Steven takes a sharp inhale and sighs. 

His eyes trace along the cactus spines covering the top of his forearm and around his elbow, up to his shoulder on both arms. That would be from the hug he gave CactusSteven. And the fight. 

_Yeah, definitely not a good idea._

Either way, he has a lot of work to do. Steven grabs the trash bag from beside him, setting it down in front of him. His eyes lock on the tiled floor, like he can’t move them. 

He hesitates before opting to loop the handles of the bag through his fingers. It’s not like he’s in any immediate danger anyway, he has healing powers! Besides, the stinging sensation crawling up his back and swimming through his shoulders feels kinda nice. Almost comforting, in a way. 

Steven’s eyes draw towards the door as the square of light underneath it fades. Someone turned the lights off. It doesn’t matter, it probably means they’ll leave him alone, anyway. It’s about time. 

After he quit Little Homeschool, the gems have been all over him lately. It’s been hard to find some time by himself when he’s not gardening or in the kitchen. Sure, he’d rather not be alone all the time but he doesn’t want to deal with anyone. Conversations have been short, usually halting to focus on how Steven is staring off into space, how his mind can’t quite grasp onto reality because it’s too loud; until he shoots back into the conversation followed by an _Are you okay, buddy?_ Of course he’s okay! 

He’s been doing great. H-he’s fine. 

Things have never been better, he’s been focusing on himself more, and that’s a good thing, right? 

Yeah, sure, his powers have been more wonky than usual, but this is just a phase that’ll pass over! It’s nothing to worry about. He’s fine. He’ll be okay. 

Steven loosens his grip around the trash bag when he notices the tear in the handle. He didn’t mean to rip it, it’s no big deal though! It’s just a trash bag. It’s… fine. 

Another few minutes go by before Steven turns his head towards the cactus spines in his arms again. He should… probably take them out now. Time to get to it! Haha…ha ha…ha. 

The scarce square of light peeking under the door goes black before he moves again. 

Steven exhales sharply before dropping the trash bag and moving his hand to his right arm to start. He pokes and prods the spines with his fingers, idly deciding which one to remove first. He finally decides on one near the crease of his elbow. He grabs on to it carefully with his thumb and his index finger, furrowing his eyebrows. The skin the spine is set in lifts as Steven pulls, he winces at the sudden discomfort but continues anyway. 

Once free, Steven tosses it into the trash bag and visibly deflates in relief. 

His eyes get caught on the drop of red that splatters onto the tile, swimming in the cracks and following the indents. 

Another drop. And another. 

_Drip, drip, drip._

Steven’s eyes lift wide as his gaze traces the dripping back to his elbow where the cherry red liquid (blood?) runs down his arm to the underside of his elbow. _His_ blood. 

It wasn’t that deep, was it? If the blood is anything to go by, then it was. Crap. 

It’s been long enough that it’s made a puddle all over the tile. Steven grabs some toilet paper from beside him and smothers the area where the blood has been pooling up. He wipes down the floor, making sure nothing is left behind so the gems don’t see. 

They don’t need to know about another fucked up thing he did. Good thing he wasn’t planning on sleeping. Haha.


End file.
